I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
