Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
