Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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