i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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