Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize