Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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