tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
