Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
