I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
