i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
