Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
