Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
