He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
