I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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