I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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