My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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