I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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