if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Let's get the cat blown out
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
