This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
