You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
