my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
