Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
