i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
