I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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