Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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