i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
