About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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