Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
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