Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
