oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
