A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
