Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize