this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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