We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
