Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
