I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
