i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
