Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
