Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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