just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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