As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
