My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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