i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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