when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
