So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
