I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
