just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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