Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
