Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
