Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
