he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
