I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
