forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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