come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
