does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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