Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
