Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize