Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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