Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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