Me. At least after what I've been through.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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