my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
