Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
