I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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