belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
