Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
