I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
