Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Randomize
