On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
And then he peed in my hair
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