guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Randomize