My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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